Just Above Sunset
August 15, 2004 - Peri Bathous, or the Art of Sinking to the Profound
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Bob Patterson, who writes
a weekly column for Just Above Sunset as “The World’s Laziest Journalist,”
listens to Rush Limbaugh so the rest of us don’t have to. … Rush has just read something from a guy named Anderson at Thor books in New York (I believe
I was introduced to him by Dennis) and the guy says it all boils down to one issue. A male voter's sexual identity. Men like Bush fight wars. This is about
war. Sissies are for Kerry. Men are for Bush (hence: "Punch Protesters"). Men throw punches in friendly college games. Are you a "girly-boy" or a Bush man! Or would that be a Bushman?
This November's election is about something everyone is thinking about, and almost no one is talking
about. Words like "national security" are fig leaves for the real subject: manhood. And Anderson goes on to
point out the recent Democratic convention in Boston seemed to him “ he gaudiest display of militarism and macho
talk since the Berlin Olympics of 1936” – and he was amazed because, as he says, the Democrats “successfully
ran a draft-dodger for president twice, and which won't fund a candidate who doesn't bow to the feminist abortion-god.”
Yeah, what wimps.
Now the want to pretend they’re real men. The 9/11 attacks have precipitated a crisis of manhood that is shaking our society to its roots.
But for so many years, we have been so entangled in the delicate sensibilities of feminism that we can't even put our confusion
into words. Your see where this is
going from what was emphasized here in bold. It’s just resentment
of the larger male member and higher levels of testosterone, you see. And he goes after Kerry,
who he says “has been trying to recast himself as a he-man” – but who Anderson says is, as we all know now
from the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, “no more than a timorous whiner who lied his way to several combat medals.”
For these times, in place of Kerry's limp salute and tedious 55-minute acceptance speech, I prefer
Bush's terser words, on the phone to Vice President Dick Cheney on Sept. 11, 2001, on his way to the airport: "I heard about
the Pentagon. We're at war. Somebody's
gonna pay." That’s a man’s
response. Let's think about [this]. Braveheart, a.k.a. Sir William Wallace, was a Scottish noble who battled
the British in the late 13th century. His army beat back an English force in 1298, only to be soundly defeated a year later.
Then, Wallace turned tail and ran...to France of all places! He was eventually tried for treason and executed. He even
wore makeup for chrissakes! Lots of it. Yeah, yeah. The election comes down to whether you want the hyper-masculine Mel Gibson leading us, or the effeminate
Alan Alda. I don't see what's so manly about sending other people to war; history is full of
overprivileged sissies who did that. This is just an attempt to distract us from the fact that we were lied to, and that the
principles in this war completely screwed it up. If that weren't true, this guy would argue that, rather than
claiming that his dick is bigger. As Joseph sees, even from
France where he is once removed from all this, the Bush side, sensing there is not much good to say about the economy or the
war or the environment or even their actual candidate, is dropping the discourse to a more basic level where they think they
might get folks to vote for their guy on a psychosexual basis - as voting for Kerry and Edwards is denying your very manhood. I always liked the title of Alexander Pope's mock epic - Peri Bathous,
or the Art of Sinking to the Profound (1727). This too is sinking to
the profound. But heck, when you run out of issues you can defend, well, what
else are you going to do? 1.) If we don't keep Bush
and Cheney in office, well, we're all going to die. 2.) Your political position
is an outward and visible sign of your inward and spiritual... manliness - so vote for Bush or else you might just as well
just go ahead and declare yourself a mincing interior decorator queen with a lisp who loves Broadway show tunes and thinks
Barry Manilow is still a hunk. Wimp. Your points are most true. This weekend a friend
who described her self as an ex-Republican-now-converted said (and it is also most true) that the last thing she allied herself
to was fiscal responsibility, and that is totally out the window. Now it has
become the party of religious fanatics and naïve windbags - manly - with the backup of a gun. I’m sure Anderson
would say, “You got a problem with that, Bubba? Maybe your gun isn’t
big enough?” It's just the gnawing suspicion by some of us who have actually done things that demanded some
moral and physical courage that guys like this - just sniping from behind a typewriter - would cry if you hit them. How I miss the days when one could tell a blow-hard like this that we better "settle it outside" without
getting arrested. Well, that’s pretty
blunt. Anderson says the Democrats "successfully ran a draft-dodger for president twice..." ___ Let's call it the testosterone election. John Kerry never misses a chance to surround himself
with he-man veterans. George Bush looks happiest when addressing crowds of pumped-up soldiers. Mr Bush likes to spend his
free time clearing brush on his Texas ranch, dressed in a sweaty T-shirt and a cowboy hat. Mr Kerry likes to spend his riding
Harleys or slaughtering wildlife. Both potential leaders of the western world seem to be remarkably proud of falling off their
mountain bikes. Indeed it is. The politics of manliness is trickier for the Democrats than the Republicans. The Democrats have
traditionally played the “Mommy Party” to the Republicans' “Daddy Party”, in Chris Matthews's phrase,
more interested in nurturing children than fighting wars. The Democratic Party is the natural home of effete thespians and
quiche-eating intellectuals, not to mention feminists. The Republican Party is the natural home of macho men—erstwhile
wrestlers such as Dennis Hastert and Donald Rumsfeld, football stars like Jack Kemp and J.C. Watts and, of course, Arnold
Schwarzenegger. And that settles that.
Both Messrs Kerry and Bush are products of a preppie establishment that once put a premium on
the manly virtues of athleticism and civic leadership. Mr Kerry shone at soccer and hockey at St Paul's and Yale, and once
tried to fly a plane under the Golden Gate bridge. Mr Bush was a sports-loving frat boy who partied hard and regarded academics
as wimps. Both men are devotees of hunting, shooting and fishing. Neither is particularly at home with Mr Clinton's metrosexual
buddies. No girly-men metrosexuals
allowed any longer.
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This issue updated and published on...
Paris readers add nine hours....
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